Peter Luger Steakhouse

I’m calling bullshit on the 24-time winner of Zagat’s most beloved New York steakhouse. As a visitor to the Brooklyn bovine mecca, it’s easy to get caught up in the lore of one of the country’s most well-known steakhouses.

For starters, the tuxedo-clad bartenders don’t offer a wine list, but instead offend oenophiles by listing off only the various varietals served by the glass. Requests for origins or maker were rebuffed with a long look over the spectacles as if I were a child asking for a tipple in my Shirley Temple. What I ended up with was a pinot that I’d bet money was made in Arkansas.

The service never got any better and if I had to put it on a scale, I’d put it at some of the worst in the city, right after Dick’s Last Resort, one of those Midwest chain restaurants where they wear condom hats and you pay to have them make fun of you. The seemed like he’d rather be anywhere else, which I can empathize with, seeing as the restaurant is located in Brooklyn, after all.

There are a few non-steak options on the menu, but none that I would ever care to order or write about, and no one that I’d care to go to a steakhouse with would be eating them. There are really only three options on the menu – steak for two, steak for three, and steak for four – all porterhouse cuts with a decently-sized filet.

The steak was served in the style of so many New York steakhouses where the porterhouse comes out sizzling, served family style and conveniently cut into manageable pieces. Without regard to my preference for the filet or the ribeye (aka chubs cut) or the serving temperature – which was widely disregarded anyway (we’d ordered one medium and medium rare) I was served the preference of the waiter, which was ironic, since his disposition seemed to convey complete indifference anyway.

There were a couple of bright spots in between the soul-sucking appearances of the wait staff, most notably the perfectly charred ultra-thick-cut bacon. Not quite as good as the bacon at Mark Joseph, but probably second best in the city. The sides of super crispy small cubed potatoes and perfectly creamed spinach with just a touch of cream were also winners.

The wine list boasts a staggering few dozen or so decently priced bottles. I mean, come on. I don’t need the three hundred bottle textbooks served up at many New York steakhouses, but if I’m going to be paying damn near a hundred bucks for a steak, give me a decent selection across a few different price points and varietals. I’d have to say this is the weakest wine list of any serious steakhouse I’ve ever seen.

If you’re willing to leave the island just to say you’ve been to the storied steakhouse, be my guest. Just don’t say you weren’t warned. And bring cash – it’s the only way to pay.

LOCATION: 178 Broadway, Brooklyn

COST: ~ $100 per person

WINNERS: Steak sauce, bacon, extra crispy potatoes, perfectly creamed spinach

LOSERS: poor service, abysmal wine list, cash only